Happy Valentine's Day Ichigo Kurosaki!
by Sovereign64
Summary: Rukia plans to give Ichigo the best valentine's Day gift ever! But will it be a success or will end with disaster? Parody of a Spongebob Squarepants episode. ONESHOT


Ryo: Hi, guys! This is my first Bleach oneshot. I hope everybody will enjoy it! Yes, it's already months since Valentine's day. But who cares?!

Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach. Which is quite sad.

_**Happy Valentine's Day, Ichigo Kurosaki!**_

It was a beautiful day in the town of Karakura Town…and it was Valentine's Day!! A certain apartment's door was thrown open to reveal an extremely short girl with short black hair, a single strand dangling in front of her face and violet eyes. She wears a white short-sleeved uniform, a red ribbon and a grey skirt. Her name was Rukia Kuchiki.

In one of her arms were multiple red and pink Valentine's Day heart cards. "Happy Valentine's Day, Karakura Town!!" she exclaimed joyously as she tossed the hearts everywhere as she leaped around the town, earning many disturbed looks from the citizens on it. Rukia handed one to her adopted brother Byakuya Kuchiki – whom promptly tears it up in disgust, and tossed the pieces into the air like confetti.

As Rukia skipped along, she handed one to a woman named Rangiku Matsumoto who was driving a car. Rangiku smiled happily, but shrieked as she crashed her car into a fire hydrant.

* * *

Eventually, Rukia arrived in the middle of an empty, grassy plain. There, waiting for her, were some of her friends. One of them was a 15 year old girl who has long orange hair and also wears a white short-sleeved uniform, red ribbon and a grey skirt. Her name was Orihime Inoue.

The second one was a tall teenage boy with red hair, tied to a ponytail, has black tattoos on his forehead and wears a white headband and black shinigami robes. His name was Renji Abarai.

The third one was a teenage boy with blue and wears glasses and a white short-sleeved uniform and grey pants. His name was Uryu Ishida.

"Happy Valentine's Day, Kuchiki-kun," Inoue smiled, handing her a card in the shape of a heart.

"Thanks, Inoue," Rukia grinned, putting away the card and pulling out a bottle of chocolate syrup. "Have some chocolate!" She dipped a bubble wand into the bottle, and attempted to blow a chocolate heart bubble…in which she utterly failed in, splashing chocolate over Inoue's face. "Heh, heh…oops?"

"Smooth…" Uryu commented dryly.

Inoue wiped the chocolate from her face. "Aw, it's the thought that counts. Especially for what you got for Kurosaki-san." She gestured behind herself. There sat a giant chocolate hot-air balloon which is the shape of a heart. "I'm sure he's gonna love his Valentine's Day present!"

"Take us through the plan again, please Rukia?" Renji asked, hopping into the balloon's basket with Inoue and Uryu.

"Okay," Rukia said, pulling out a giant blue print of a carnival. "Step one: Ichigo and I get to the Karakura Town annual Valentine's Day carnival." She pointed to a Ferris wheel in the dead center of the fair. "Step two: I position Ichigo and myself on top of the Ferris wheel." Then, she pulled out a wooden, miniature version of the chocolate hot-air balloon. "Step three: You arrive at designated checkpoint for maximum visual contact. Step four: Ichigo is thrilled!! Mission accomplished."

* * *

At Ichigo and Rukia's apartment lives a 15 year old boy with orange hair and wears a white short-sleeved uniform and grey pants. His name was Ichigo Kurosaki, Rukia's closest friend. Ichigo was carving a piece of wood until he carves it into a wooden piece that is shape of a heart. "Rukia's going to love this!" Ichigo smiled happily, holding up the wooden piece.

Unknown to him, Rukia stepped into their room and stand behind Ichigo and said, "Hi, Ichigo!"

Ichigo's eyes widen, staring at the wooden piece in his hands. "Hello?"

"Ichigo, it's me, Rukia!" Rukia shook her head and crossing her arms.

"Rukia, what are you doing in there?" Ichigo asked, putting the Valentine's Day present next to his ear.

"Ichigo!" Rukia shouted, waving her arms.

"Oh hell!" Ichigo screamed. "Ruk…Rukia is stuck inside this gift!! Ahh! Hold on Rukia, I'll get you out!!" He set the present on the ground and started smashing it with his Zangetsu sword. Finally, at there left pieces of wood that used to be his Valentine's Day gift to Rukia. "Rukia? Rukia…?"

"Ichigo…" Rukia groaned, smacking her forehead.

"RUKIA!!" Ichigo wept, rubbing the pieces of wood against the side of his face – thinking that he killed his friend. "Rukia…!"

"ICHIGO!!" Rukia screamed. "I'm right behind you!!

Ichigo turned his head to Rukia. "Oh, there you are." He grinned as he held up the pieces of the gift to Rukia. "Happy Valentine's Day! Here's your present."

"And I have a Valentine's Day present for you!" Rukia smiled, knowing her friend would love his present.

"You do?" Ichigo asked, feeling excitement build inside him.

"It's the greatest…" Rukia said, Ichigo getting excited, "…the best-est…" He got ever more excited, "…the most fantabulous…" Ichigo was sweating bullets from excitement, "…present EVER!!" Ichigo was now practically bouncing off the room and rolling all around, all excited and overjoyed.

"But you can't have it yet," Rukia finished; abruptly ceasing Ichigo's rolling and bouncing.

"Why not?" Ichigo demanded.

"Because it's not ready yet," Rukia answered simply.

"Is it ready now?" Ichigo asked.

"Not yet," Rukia shook her head no.

"How about now?"

"Do you want to ruin the surprise?" Rukia frowned, crossing her arms again.

"YES!!" Ichigo nodded quickly.

"No way."

"Oh, come on, please!!"

"Hmm…" Rukia mused. "Nope, sorry."

Ichigo grabbed a hold of Rukia's uniform and shaking her furiously. "You gotta tell me!!"

"No can do," Rukia chuckled. "You'll just have to wait!" She started to walk to the carnival, Ichigo still grabbing a hold of her uniform.

* * *

"Please. Oh, please…" Ichigo begged, still hanging on to Rukia's uniform as she led Ichigo across a few streets, "…please-please-please-please. Tell me-tell me-tell me. Please?!"

"Okay, Ichigo, here we are," Rukia answered with an anxious grin.

Ichigo gasped into total shock as he saw the Karakura Town carnival before him. "You got me a carnival? Mine! All mine, mine, mine, mine!!" Ichigo ran inside the carnival.

"Wait! Ichigo!" Rukia exclaimed, chasing after him.

"Mine, mine, mine!!" Ichigo shouted, completely ignoring his friend. Ichigo stood in the middle of the boardwalk and bellowed at the top of his voice, "All right, everybody out!! This is my carnival!!"

Rukia finally caught up with him, her breath labored. "It's not the carnival…"

"Oh…" Ichigo sweatdropped, feeling uncomfortably embarrassed.

After catching his breath, Rukia reached into her pocket and pulled out a 500 Yen coin. "Here, why don't you take this 500 Yen coin and…"

"Oh my gosh, 500 Yen!!" Ichigo gushed, snatching the coin greedily from Rukia's fingers. "I've always wanted 500 Yen!!"

"It's not the coin," Rukia deadpanned.

"Oh."

"Now take that coin and buy some cotton candy…"

"Cotton candy!!" Ichigo interrupted again. "I can't believe it!!" He started chasing after Kenpachi Zaraki, the cotton candy seller man. "Cotton candy!!"

"Hey, get away! Hey!!" Kenpachi shouted, running as fast as he can to ditch Ichigo.

Suddenly, a muffled voice came from Rukia's skirt pocket. "_Team Balloon to Kuchiki-kun,_" Inoue's voice called. Rukia casually reached into her pocket to pull out a small, black walkie-talkie. "_Orihime Inoue of Team Balloon to Kuchiki-kun. Come in, Kuchiki-kun._"

"Ten-four Inoue, Kuchiki-kun here," Rukia said with a trucker-like accent, going as far as to spit a bit of her personal chewing tobacco (AKA, bubble gum) into a bin nearby.

A few miles away, Inoue, Uryu and Renji were flying the hot-air balloon toward the carnival. "I got a visual on the carnival. You want me to bring her in?"

"Ohh, not yet, Inoue," Rukia chuckled. "Ichigo's still trying to guess what his present is."

"You are such a teaser, Kuchiki-kun," Inoue giggled. "Team Balloon out."

"Um…Guys?" Renji asked Inoue and Uryu.

"Yes?" Inoue and Uryu asked.

Renji then pointed out into the air behind them: A large, dark group of flying hollows was flying their way! "Hollows!!" Renji, Uryu and Inoue screamed.

Then, the hollows dive-bombed them as they tried to bite through the chocolate balloon. "Chocolate-eating Hollows!!" Renji shouted, drawing out his Zabimaru sword.

* * *

"So if it's not cotton candy then what is it?" Ichigo asked. "I can't take it!!"

"You'll have to guess!" Rukia smiled sneakily.

Ichigo ran toward a random tent and pointed at it. "Is it this tent?"

Rukia shook her head. "No."

Ichigo ran over to a boy named Yasutora Sado, who was waiting in line for something, and picked him up. "This guy?"

"No."

Ichigo looked through a microscope to see tiny microorganisms swimming around on a glass. "This paramecium?"

Rukia laughed, "Nope."

"Heh, you're a sly one…" Ichigo smirked, walking back toward his friend. "I can't find it here in the carnival…because it's on top of Mount 'Climb Up and Fall Off'!" He ran out of the carnival, ran up a mountain, falls over the edge, and hitting the ground…_hard_. He then quickly ran back to Rukia. "It wasn't there either!"

"Are you sure?"

Ichigo mulled it over. "BACK TO MOUNTAIN JUMPING!!"

As soon as Ichigo dashed off again, Rukia reached for her walkie-talkie. "Kuchiki-kun to Team Balloon, you can bring it in now."

Unfortunately, Team Balloon had their hands full as they attempted to fight off the hollows. "Uhh, Kuchiki-kun?" Inoue said into her walkie-talkie while slashing away at a hollow with her Shun Shun Rikka. "We got ourselves a little problem! We've got a pack of chocolate-eating hollows trying to devour the balloon!! Whoa!" She quickly jumped back from being tackled, and destroyed that monster with a jab into its torso. "Get away, you sweet-toothed plague! We're going to be a little late!"

"Late?" Rukia whispered, her chest feeling tight. "But what about…"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!" Ichigo's screams from jumping off the mountain over and over rang to Rukia's ears.

"…Ichigo?"

"Take him up to the Ferris wheel and I'll meet you there!!" Inoue shouted. "Inoue out!"

Rukia gulped as she closed her connection. "If Ichigo doesn't get his present-"

"I'm pretty sure it's not up there, Rukia!!"

"ACK!!" Rukia yelped, nearly jumping out of her skin. She turned around to see Ichigo covered in dirt and bruises. "Uhh…" she stammered, "Ichigo, actually it's on the Ferris-"

"FERRIS WHEEL!!" Ichigo screamed, grabbing Rukia by the arm and dragged her away.

* * *

Soon, the two friends were sitting on the very top of the carnival's Ferris wheel. "I'm ready for the greatest Valentine's day present in the whole world now, Rukia!" Ichigo said eagerly.

"Well, this is where you're gonna get it!" Rukia smiled, sweating heavily. "…I hope…Just keep looking out there, Ichigo!" she said, pointing into a random direction. Ichigo quickly focusing all his attention on that area. Inconspicuously, Rukia pulled out her walkie-talkie again. "Rukia to Inoue, Rukia to Inoue, come in, Inoue!!"

"Inoue to Kuchiki-kun," Inoue responded as she, Uryu and Renji breath deeply from fatigue. "We're screwed! We're way off course! The hollows are eating away at the balloon!! They're everywhere!" One said hollow bit into the balloon and the air goes out, drifting toward the ground.

"Oh no! We're going down, Rukia! Switch to Plan B!" Renji screamed.

"NO!!" Rukia screamed into her walkie-talkie. "No, B, Renji!! No, B!!" Ichigo was completely inattentive, smiling big as he waited keenly for his surprise. "Uh, Ichigo?" Rukia gulped tensely. "You know how sometimes you plan something special and things don't just work out?"

Ichigo started panting in and out slowly, but crazily. "No…no…eh-gee! Oh hell! Is it hot up here or what!!" Ichigo ripping his uniform open. He continued breathing profoundly as he started to move the Ferris wheel seat back and forth, and then up and down. Now the whole friggin' wheel was shaking up and down!

This is bad! Rukia had to do SOMETHING! Getting desperate, she threw out an open hand. "Ichigo, here it is!!"

Ichigo froze and blinked. He examined the hand carefully and thoroughly. Was he missing something? "What's that?"

"It's a handshake…" Rukia answered cheerfully, but added guiltily, "a friendly handshake."

"A handshake?" Ichigo repeated. "That's the big gift? You got me a handshake?!"

"A friendly handshake!" Rukia replied. "Happy Valentine's Day!!" Ichigo continued to stare at Rukia's hand a bit longer, before accepting it and shook it. He then looked at his hand. His temples furled and his mouth shrunk, making a rather grumpy looking face.

Throughout the rest of the day, as Rukia tried to have fun and cheer up Ichigo who just followed her – his face still grumpy and eyes staring at his hand. And Rukia just felt like she broke her best friend's heart.

* * *

Eventually, the pair was resting on a bench in the carnival. Rukia was feeling tension in the air around Ichigo. Finally, Ichigo's face unfurled and sighed. "I've been thinking…" he began. "At first, a handshake doesn't looks like much, but really it's the thought that counts…"

Just then, Toshiro Hitsugaya walked over to them with a heart-shaped box with chocolates inside. "Hey Rukia, I just wanted to thank you for this box of chocolates!"

"Uh, no problem, Hitsugaya," Rukia smiled, waving good-bye as he walked away.

Ichigo frowned a bit. "And even though I was expecting more…"

Then, Kisuke Urahara walked over to them with two arms full of game boxes. "Thanks for the video games, Rukia!" he said appreciatively. "Happy Valentine's Day!"

"You too, Kisuke," Rukia gulped, knowing where this was going as Kisuke walked off.

Ichigo continued, "And not that it matters that we've been friends for so long…"

Suddenly, Yoruichi Shihouin also walked over with a brand new mountain bike! "Hey Rukia, thanks for giving me this cool bike! You're a true friend Rukia!" She whispered to Ichigo, "Can you believe this girl? I just became her friend a day ago!"

As Yoruichi walked away, Ichigo was developing an anger vein on his forehead. "So as I was saying…"

"Excuse me; do you guys have the time?" a man named Ulquiorra Schiffer asked them.

"**THAT TEARS IT!!**" Ichigo screamed, picking up Ulquiorra and tossing him miles away. Ulquiorra screamed as he flew through the sky and when he landed outside the carnival, he exploded. "ICHIGO NEEDS LOVE TOO!!"

It's official. Ichigo went psycho freaky like a wild man who lost his friggin' sanity. Ichigo now wears into his shinigami robes and uses his Zangetsu sword to cut the balloon strings from a salesman, and then uses it and smash his cart. Then, he ran over to a man in a heart costume. "RAH!! I defy you, Heart Man!!" Ichigo thundered insanely, tearing the suit in half to reveal Grimmjow Jaegerjaques in boxers.

When Ichigo ran away angrily, Sosuke Aizen came up to Grimmjow and blinked. "Grimmjow? Why are you…"

"No please, Aizen-sama. I can explain." Grimmjow protested nervously.

"Attention, everyone," a voice rang throughout the carnival through a loudspeaker. "There's a lunatic shinigami man on the loose! Please start running around in circles!!" Everyone did as they were told. Running in circles and screaming in fear. "Thanks for visiting the carnival."

Ichigo then spotted a twirl-around ride that has hearts on it. "ARGH!! Heart on stick must die!!" He ran to the pole and tried to pick it up with all his might…which proved to be not enough to pick up. "Ugh…I need to train a little more." Suddenly, he saw a little girl named Ururu Tsumugiya eating a heart-shaped lollipop. "Heart on stick must die!!" He stole it from her, breaks it in half over his knee, and consumed it. Ururu ran away scared from the now lunatic teenager.

Seeing all the trouble Ichigo was causing, Rukia gasped, "Ichigo!" Ichigo turned around with a positively evil look on his face, even more scarier than his inner hollow and hollow form, scaring the living daylights out of everyone, and started chasing after them to the dead-end of the carnival's boardwalk.

"Give me Rukia Kuchiki!!" Ichigo commanded. Without a second thought, Rukia was tossed to Ichigo's feet – flat on her face. "You broke my heart!!" Ichigo snarled. "Now I'm gonna break SOMETHING OF YOURS!!"

"Please Ichigo!" Rukia begged. "Let me explain…"

"No! There's nothing for you to explain! I treated you like a friend, even gave you a place to stay and protect you from harm and danger. But what do I get back from you? Nothing! And you still treat me like a fool!" Ichigo yelled at her angrily.

"Okay, Ichigo, I know I deserve this," Rukia admitted, but then gestured to the crowd behind her. "But, do they?"

"They didn't get me anything for Valentine's Day either!!" Everyone quickly threw a pile of their gifts at Ichigo's feet. "Nope! It's too late for that now…_for all of you!_" He stomped over the gifts, prompting the citizens to take several steps back.

Rukia's head dipped. "I'm sorry, Ichigo…"

Then, out of the blue, everyone heard a voice. "Yee-haw!! Get along little freaks of nature!! Gallop, you Hollows!" Renji yelled excitedly as he is pulling the strings which tied up the hollows and caning them with his Zabimaru sword. Everyone minus Ichigo gazed in awe as Inoue, Renji and Uryu were pulled onto the boardwalk with their balloon by the hollows tied up with strings.

"YEAH!!" Rukia whooped, jumping up and down as she pointed behind Ichigo. "Inoue, Uryu and Renji are here! Woo-hoo! Look, Ichigo! It's here! It's here!! The best present in the whole wide world is right behind you!!"

"Sure it is," Ichigo snapped sarcastically.

"I'm telling you, it's right there! Turn around!" Rukia shouted, feeling fed up.

"Uh-uh," Ichigo shook his head, crossing his arms.

"Ichigo, just turn around!!" Rukia groaned, smacking her forehead. "Stop being stubborn!" Pretty soon, everyone was joining in with Rukia to try and convince Ichigo to turn around.

"You must think I'm pretty dumb like Kon, huh?" Ichigo sniffed, undignified.

"YES!!" Everyone screamed. "TURN AROUND!!"

"No!"

"TURN AROUND!!"

"Nuh-uh!"

"**TURN AROUND!! TURN AROUND!!**" the crowd started chanting.

"Nuh-uh," Ichigo shook his head angrily. "I'm gonna say this once and I'm not going to say it again, so pay attention: I am not, I repeat, NOT going to turn around for any reason…EVER!!"

"Hi, Kurosaki-san," Inoue called.

Ichigo calmly turns around. "Hi, Inoue!" That's when it hit him. "Hubba…hubba…wha-…wha-…"

Rukia chuckled. "Happy Valentine's Day, Ichigo!!"

"HAHAHAHA!!" Ichigo laughed hysterically, jumping onto the balloon. "Yes! My present!! Hey, is this solid chocolate?"

"ICHIGO, NO!!"

Ichigo bit into the balloon.

_**BOOM!!**_

The balloon exploded, spilling chocolate everywhere. "Aw, Rukia, you didn't have to get me anything," Ichigo smiled, his head emerging from a pile of liquid chocolate.

Rukia's eyes narrowed. "Riiiiiiiiiiiight…, but it's not over yet!"

"Really?"

"Yup! There's a part two!" Rukia then jumps out from the chocolate and lands on a stage. "Hit it, Renji!"

"Got it!" Renji smiled as he then turns on the radio and the radio starts playing a song. Rukia starts singing.

Rukia: _**I've been living with a shadow overhead  
I've been sleeping with a cloud above my bed  
I've been lonely for so long  
Trapped in the past, I just can't seem to move on**_

Ichigo smiled as he came up on the stage and joins in.

Ichigo: _**I've been hiding all my hopes and dreams away  
Just in case I ever need them again someday  
I've been setting aside time  
To clear a little space in the corners of my mind**_

Uryu, Inoue, Renji and everybody else smiled and hold hands together as Ichigo and Rukia sang the chorus.

Ichigo and Rukia: _**All I wanna do is find a way back into love  
I can't make it through without a way back into love  
Oh oh oh  
**__**  
**_Rukia: _**I've been watching but the stars refuse to shine  
I've been searching but I just don't see the signs  
I know that it's out there  
There's gotta be something for my soul somewhere **_

Ichigo: _**I've been looking for someone to shed some light  
Not somebody just to get me through the night  
I could use some direction  
And I'm open to your suggestions **_

Ichigo and Rukia: _**All I wanna do is find a way back into love  
I can't make it through without a way back into love  
And if I open my heart again  
I guess I'm hoping you'll be there for me in the end **_

Rukia: _**There are moments when I don't know if it's real  
Or if anybody feels the way I feel  
I need inspiration  
Not just another negotiation **_

Ichigo and Rukia: _**All I wanna do is find a way back into love  
I can't make it through without a way back into love  
And if I open my heart to you  
I'm hoping you'll show me what to do  
And if you help me to start again  
You know that I'll be there for you in the end**_

After the song ended, Inoue, Uryu, Renji and everybody in the fair clapped their hands as Ichigo and Rukia bowed down to them. After that, Ichigo and Rukia looked at each other and smiled. They then both kissed each other passionately. Yup, this is definitely the best Valentine's Day ever, except the part where Ichigo goes crazy that is. Oh well.

**THE END **

Ryo: I hope everybody enjoys that! Read and review!


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